The United States is one of the most litigious countries in the world, if not the most. This is because our legal system breeds fighting...and we set it up that way. So which came first, the chicken or the egg?
I became an attorney because I wanted justice and I was willing to fight for it. That's still true to this day. However, after a lifetime of fighting, both personally and professionally, I've come to realize that most of the time, no one actually wins. The only thing the fight really accomplishes is misery, which means both parties lose because the loss of your quality of life is far more valuable than money (or whatever the fight was over). This is especially true when the court rules somewhere in the middle anyway, which is often the case.
Life is hard enough to begin with so why are we willing to create so much additional misery by engaging in all this fighting? The answer is "fear."
No one really wants to fight, but fear compels us. Fear of betrayal. Fear of losing our reputation. Fear of not having our needs met. Fear of losing money. Fear of not being respected, valued and understood. And, the biggest one - fear of being wrong. And the list goes on....
But even though we don't want to fight, that's the only way to resolve problems and injustice, so we have to fight, right? WRONG!! Yes, sometimes the fight just can't be avoided, but I'm here to tell you that more often than not, there IS another way. Mediation.
I've been practicing law (including ugly divorces) for 13 years. The major obstacle in EVERY challenging case is the fact that the parties don't understand each other. It's really no surprise, considering there's a fine line between effective communication and a disaster, and people are usually too emotionally charged (by fear) to pay attention to that fine line.
That's where mediation comes in. There are different types of mediation; some are more effective than others. I personally think that passive mediation, where the mediator simply conveys information back and forth between the parties, doesn't really accomplish much.
I've had tremendous success with a more active style of mediation. I speak with each party individually first. I want to learn and fully understand what the issues are, and what each party knows, thinks, feels, wants and needs. Once I understand both perspectives, I'm able to help the parties understand each other, which goes a long way toward easing the fears and anger, and calming the tension. People just need to be heard, understood and validated. And they need compassion. It really is that simple, and that's what's missing in most high-conflict situations. Inserting that causes magical alchemy.
Once we've created a bridge between the polarization, we have an open platform to start brainstorming solutions. I'm a phenomenal creative problem solver so there is no problem I can't solve, in multiple ways!! Between all of us, we will create solutions that look more like a win-win situation, rather than the lose-lose situation that would have inevitably resulted otherwise.
And once we reach an agreement, the necessary legal documents will be drafted to make the agreement legally binding (when applicable).
Yes, it's impossible to get through to some people. And, yes, some people are not authentic. But, you'd be very surprised at how frequently I get through to impossible and/or inauthentic people.
I'd love to help you transform your lose-lose nightmare into a win-win solution, so you can get back to living the peaceful life you were meant to live, so please contact me today!!
You might also be interested in my Relationship Conflict Resolution service.
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